"Lula"

This is my precious daughter Camerin Jodi Roberts, I love her dearly and I am so proud of her.  What a sweet-gentle-spirit she is, so lovely so accepting so forgiving so talented so creative.  My prayers were answered, thank you Lord for blessings our lives with this precious god-fearing soul!

Blessings vs Consequences.

Blessings really?  Okay so this might come across harsh...but that is the "blessing" of having this blog....I can say what is on my mind and heart!  I hope I can articulate my thoughts, so here goes nothing....

I know someone whom I think, overuses the word "blessings"! We all have choices and with those choices come consequences, whether it be positive or negative results...they are indeed the consequences of our choices!  When someone uses their personal emotional life-drama as a platform to manipulate others for personal gain, whether they are aware that they are doing this or not, then it is not a blessing, is it? But, I believe when we are spiritually connected to whatever choice we are making and the results turn out positive, it is a blessing from God. A blessing to me is all those little things in life that come about naturally during your day, week, month or year that affect your life in a positive way ....you know, kind of like a change in course; following your instincts and it turns out better than you imagined;  the unexplainable maybe?  Blessings and consequences get muddle up sometimes or are lump together as one.  Choice, decisions, consequences are all characteristics of an active participant in life....blessings are spiritual gifts from God that help us make better choices in life!

So watch your ego you "blessed" one! :)

This is my ringtone - Better Together by Jack Johnson

African me.

I have always felt out of place in this country and probably will always feel that way! It has been 20 years now that I have been living in the USA and it is still so amusing to watch peoples reaction when I answer THAT question for the millionth time..."I like your accent, are you from Australia or England?". Believe me people, that is THE question!!!! :)  Just today, a very nice young black man walked passed our car and saw the South Africa flag proudly hugging the gas tank lid, he inquired about the flag and from which country it represents...blah blah blah.  He cracked up laughing, "For real, you are from South Africa?" he said, with eyes and mouth wide open with surprise and amazement written all over his face. I think his hand was even up in the air! :) And then that statement/question came again, "But you are not black???".  "No" Lawrence said, "but we are proudly African American".  With a grin from ear to ear, still standing looking at us...he walked away shaking his head and chuckling out loud! :)  I love that!  I love the interaction with people, the never ending questions, etc., but after all these years it still the same, the same reactions, the same never ending questions....so I guess that is how it will be! I look American but sound Australian/English....whatever,  I am South African  heart, soul and mind forever...so very proud I am!

Public speaking, help me Lord Jesus!

The thing is...I am quite a shy person, so I probably should not be doing the job that I am doing right now! :)  Five years ago an opportunity came knocking on my door and I decided to open that door and take a leap of faith, and so, I began my journey on the "pothole" road of children's ministry. My job requires me on certain occasions to conduct meetings, classes and conferences for groups of all sizes.  This is painful for me, I detest it, don't like it, don't want to do it!  My heart races, I can't breath, my faces turns red and I believe on one occasion,  it actually turned purple!:()  For the last year or so, something knocked my confidence...I can't put my finger on it, what specific incident, or what caused me to retrieve back into myself....but it happened! I have taken a personal break from meetings and have avoided any kind of public speaking at all costs.  The result is my confidence has been shattered...and what little confidence I had in myself in the first two years of this job, has totally been flipped upside down.  My work has suffered, my attitude has changed, my focus has shifted and I have lost vital connections with my volunteers that help make my job easier. This is NOT good! So what to do? I know that if I was having a private conversation with some of my dearest and closest friends, I know without a doubt what they would say, "Wendy, if you let God be the center of your life and put your fear in God's hands, you can do this!".   My mother would say, "My girl, have you prayed about it?".  So, if I know what the answer is, and I have been praying about it....why have I not changed, what is wrong with me?  I recently heard someone say - prayer is our lifeline to God.  I agree with that statement and I believe it too, but it got me thinking....prayer is our lifeline, it brings us peace, comfort, it's an emotional release mechanism, it bonds people together and it is our connection to our Lord and Saviour, BUT without works, without practicing, without making an effort, without positive thinking and actively facing our fears dead on....how can we ever have hope of changing or turning down our fear dial? It is so simple, isn't it? We all know it, we know what the answer is.....maybe saying it out loud and writing it down is the first step towards actively wanting to begin the healing process and concurring my fear of public speaking!

The beginning....

thoughts, words, heart, song, love, anxiety, God, conflict, church, happiness, family, friends, sad, frustration, humor, prayer are all me! And so, it begins.......